5 Signs You Are Harboring Elephants In Your Meeting Rooms
And what to do about them
It’s 9:00 on a typical Monday morning.
You are the VP of Products and are heading towards the meeting room on the 5th floor, filled with the leaders of your organization. This is your bi-weekly leadership staff meeting, and the goal of this meeting is to review the progress of the business, highlight key issues, and make decisions that can help the organization move towards the goals.
As you head to open the room door, you can hear a loud buzz permeating from inside. It’s not loud enough for you to tell what the topic is. Probably just the usual small talk - the weather, the weekend, or a bunch of equally insignificant topics.
So you think.
As you open the door to enter, the buzz disappears suddenly — as if a pause button was pressed on the ongoing conversations, in the middle of the sentences.
You make your move to your usual position across the table, and you can feel dozens of pairs of eyes watching as you do that.
9.05 am.
You call the first item in the agenda, which is to review progress and hear updates from each of the leaders. Each of the leaders take turns to share updates from their respective teams and sub-groups — what progress was made, what the teams are focused on for the coming quarter. The usual grind.
9.55 am.
With 5 minutes remaining, you ask the question: “Any hot topics that we need to discuss today? Any impediments that we need to be aware of?”
Silence. You look around the room, and you see blank faces. Eyes that are avoiding contact. Half-hearted head shakes.
“Okay, sounds great. I’ll see you all again in 2 weeks.”
You walk out of the room, and as you exit the doors, the familiar “buzz” picks up again. Apparently, the resume button was clicked. Probably the usual small talk — the weather, the weekend, …
So you think, again.
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Harboring Elephants in the Room
The story I’ve shared above, albeit exaggerated, is not uncommon. In fact, I’ve witnessed similar situations in the past. I’m sure many of you would have as well.
But this begs the question: so what?
The story above illustrates a culture, a situation, an environment that might appear to be normal, but is in fact far from it. I argue that there are one or more elephants in the room, who are not just being ignored, but simultaneously being nurtured, and they’re growing with every passing moment.
What’s with the elephants?
Side note: When my 9 year old heard me talking about elephants in the room, he reminded me of the children’s puzzle which asks about how you would put an elephant in the fridge. The solution to that puzzle is: you open the door, empty the fridge, put the elephant in the fridge, and close the door. Simple.
Having an elephant in the room is a metaphorical expression that refers to a significant issue or problem that everyone is aware of but chooses to ignore or avoid discussing.
If you entered a room that had an elephant, would you not see it? Of course you would. The elephant is a symbol of the problem that is significant, easy to observe, yet everyone chooses to ignore it or not talk about it.
Spotting the Elephants in the Room
Okay, we can see literal elephants in the room. But how do we find the metaphorical ones?
Here are 5 telltale signs you may have elephants lurking in your meeting rooms, and what to do about it.
1. Conversations Keep Skirting the Real Issue
You’ve seen this happen. The discussion dances around the real problem, circling it like a shark but never going in for the bite.
Instead of addressing a budget shortfall, the team talks about “optimizing expenses.”
Instead of confronting a toxic behavior, they debate process tweaks.
The truth is sitting there, but the conversation stays in the “safe zone.”
What to do:
Ask direct, open-ended questions that force the real issue into the open.
Try: “If we stripped this down to the core, what’s the real challenge we’re trying to solve?”
Related frameworks:
🛠️ The 5 Whys Framework: How To Move From Symptoms to Root Causes
🛠️ Cleverness to Clarity: Why (and How) Leaders Should Communicate Clearly
2. The Same Topics Resurface Again and Again
If a topic has been on the agenda for three meetings in a row, it’s no longer just an “item”, it’s a symptom.
It’s a sign that your team is either unwilling or unable to make a decision. This limbo drains energy and signals that the team is avoiding deeper conflict.
What to do:
Name the pattern directly: “I’ve noticed we’ve discussed this three times and haven’t closed it. What’s blocking us from making a decision today?”
Then set a clear deadline for resolution. Without a time limit, the elephant gets comfortable and starts to grow.
Related frameworks:
🛠️ The Five Dysfunctions of a Team: How to Spot Them and Fix Them
🛠️ Radical Candor: How to Be Direct Without Being an Asshole
3. Non-Verbal Cues Don’t Match the Spoken Words
Sometimes you don’t need to listen to the words. The body language says it all.
Crossed arms
Avoiding eye contact
Forced smiles
Quick nods without verbal agreement
These are often signs that what’s being said isn’t what’s really felt.
What to do:
Pause the conversation and acknowledge what you’re sensing: “I might be wrong, but I’m picking up some hesitation here. Can we surface any concerns we haven’t discussed yet?”
Be vulnerable and open. Even if no one speaks immediately, you’ve planted a flag for openness.
Related frameworks:
🛠️ The Four Zones of Psychological Safety: Where Does Your Team Sit?
🛠️ System 1 and 2 Thinking: When to Trust Your Gut and When to Think Twice as a Leader
4. The Watercooler Becomes the Hot Spot for “Real” Conversations
You wrap up a meeting feeling like decisions were made.
But, then you hear about the “meeting after the meeting” - the conversation that happened at the watercooler where the real opinions came out.
When key debates happen outside the main discussion, it’s usually because people don’t trust the meeting space to handle them productively.
What to do:
Bring the conversation back into the open.
If you hear about a side discussion, say: “It sounds like there’s more we need to unpack here. Let’s get the right people together to talk it through directly.”
Clarify who is responsible for the decision and who needs to be consulted.
Related frameworks:
🛠️ The Six Thinking Hats: How Smart Teams Solve Hard Problems
🛠️ The MoSCoW Method: How to Make Tough Choices Without the Guilt
5. Decisions Feel Superficial or Stalled
Sometimes the team “agrees”, but it’s a weak agreement. No one challenges it, but no one seems particularly committed either.
Or worse, decisions keep stalling entirely.
This often happens when there’s a deeper misalignment on the “Why.” Without shared purpose, decisions lack energy.
What to do:
Before finalizing any decision, pause and reconnect it to purpose: “How does this choice move us closer to our goal?” If the answer feels forced, you’re not ready to decide.
Identify what your team cares about, and how that relates to your team’s purpose or vision.
Related frameworks:
🛠️ The Golden Circle: Use This Simple 3-Step Framework To Lead With Purpose
🛠️ Ikigai: The Secret to Leading with Purpose and Fulfillment
Takeaway: Kick the Elephants Out of the Room
As much as you may like elephants, you can’t afford to harbor them in your meeting rooms.
Mind you, the more you ignore them, the bigger they’ll grow. Catch them early and watch them disappear, like magic.
In your next meeting, try this one-liner: “What’s the one thing we’re avoiding talking about today?”
You might be surprised how quickly the air clears.
Recommended Resources
🔖 The Five Dysfunctions of a Team: How to Spot Them and Fix Them
🔖 The Four Zones of Psychological Safety: Where Does Your Team Sit?
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I would add to that: and have a plan what to do when the elephant was named, even if it’s something you didn’t expect. The next move from the leader in the room could make or break psychological safety and trust building efforts.