The Four Leadership Support Roles: Coaching, Mentoring, Counseling, Consulting

Know When and How to Apply these Roles in Leadership

Gaurav Jain

May 05, 2025

In this issue:

The Four Leadership Support Roles
Coaching: Unlocking Potential Through Questions
Mentoring: Sharing Experience to Guide Others
Counseling: Supporting Through Emotional Challenges
Consulting: Offering Expertise to Solve a Problem
Real-Life Scenarios
Common Mistakes to Avoid
The Four Roles of a Leader Worksheet
Complementary Frameworks to Explore
Recommended Resources
Final Takeaway

🎗️

"I’m not sure what they need from me right now."

That was the thought running through my head in the middle of a one-on-one.

I had just been promoted to a management role in a software company. The person sitting across from me was a smart, capable engineer. But something was off. He wasn’t meeting his goals, and the energy just felt low. And everything I said - encouragement, feedback, even technical tips - didn’t seem to work.

As his manager, I felt compelled to try to ‘fix’ it. I tried to offer advice and give him space. I even tried to push a bit harder.

Nothing worked.

Later, I realized the problem wasn’t that I wasn’t doing enough. It was that I was doing the wrong thing.

What he needed wasn't a boss with answers. He needed a coach. Or maybe a mentor. Or maybe he was dealing with something personal and needed to talk.

Back then, I didn’t know the difference. And neither do a lot of managers.

In this post, I will break down the four distinct support roles of a leader - how they differ, when to apply which, and how to apply them to be most effective as a leader.

The Four Leadership Support Roles

I find the easiest way to understand these four roles is to plot them on a 2x2 matrix.

The X-axis runs from Problems/Past on the left to Solutions/Future on the right. The Y-axis runs from Tell (you give answers) at the bottom to Ask (you help others find their own answers) at the top.

Coaching sits in the top-right quadrant: it’s all about asking questions that help the other person move toward a future-oriented solution.
Mentoring is bottom-right: you're offering guidance and sharing experiences to help someone grow into their future.
Counseling lands in the top-left: here, you're listening and asking reflective questions to help someone explore their past or inner emotional challenges.
Consulting fits in the bottom-left: you’re analyzing and advising, often using your expertise to diagnose and solve past or current problems.

This framework helps you decide not just what role to play—but how to show up in that conversation.

Here’s another breakdown of how these roles relate to, and how they differ from each other. Use it as a reference to guide you in your next conversation:

Relationship between the Four Roles of a Leader

Now that we understand the roles at a high level, let’s dive deep into each one to understand them a bit better.

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Coaching: Unlocking Potential Through Questions

Coaching is about helping someone discover the answer for themselves.

You’re not telling them what to do. You’re helping them see their own roadblocks—and then step over them.

This works best when the person has the skill but not the confidence, clarity, or motivation.

Think of coaching like holding up a mirror. You're not directing. You're reflecting.

When to Coach

Your teammate is capable but stuck
They need clarity, not answers
You want them to own the outcome

How to Coach

Use questions that help them think:

“What’s the real challenge here for you?”
“What options have you considered?”
“What would success look like?”
“What’s stopping you?”

Try This Framework: GROW

GROW is one of my favorite tools. I’ve written about it in The Leader’s Playbook (Chapter 14). Here’s how it works:

Goal: What do you want to achieve?
Reality: Where are you now?
Options: What could you do?
Will: What will you do?

It’s simple. But it works like magic when done well.

Other great coaching frameworks you can explore:

CLEAR – great for building rapport
FUEL – helpful in structured follow-ups

When to Use Coaching as a Leader

In 1:1s for performance improvement
When your teammate is exploring a challenge
When you're tempted to solve, but it's better they own the solution

Mentoring: Sharing Experience to Guide Others

Mentoring is more relaxed, longer-term, and focused on growth—not tasks.

It’s about sharing your story so someone else can learn from your journey. The goal isn’t to give all the answers. It’s to spark ideas, challenge assumptions, and support the next steps.

When to Mentor

Someone wants career direction
They’re looking for advice, not performance help
You’ve walked the path they want to walk

How to Mentor

Share stories (especially failures!)
Ask thoughtful questions: “What do you want long-term?”
Offer perspective (from your experience), not prescriptions

Great mentors are generous with their lessons—but humble about the fact that others may choose a different path.

When Leaders Should Mentor

You’re building a pipeline of future leaders
You want to support growth across teams
You’re asked to mentor someone outside your team (a great sign of your leadership!)

Counseling: Supporting Through Emotional Challenges

Let’s be clear: You are not a therapist.

But you are a human being. And good leaders create space for emotional conversations, especially in today’s world.

Counseling is about listening, not solving.

It’s about holding space. Sometimes, that’s all people need.

When to Counsel (or Listen)

A teammate is showing signs of burnout or stress
Performance is slipping and the person doesn’t respond to coaching
There’s a personal issue that’s affecting their work

How to Approach Counseling Conversations

Create safety: “I’ve noticed something feels off. Want to talk?”
Be quiet more than you speak
Don’t rush to fix
Know when to recommend professional help (e.g., company EAP or therapist)

Tools like Radical Candor or the SBI model (Situation–Behavior–Impact) help you open the conversation respectfully and clearly.

When Leaders Should Use a Counseling Approach

A teammate opens up emotionally in a 1:1
You notice someone withdrawing or disengaging
You’re in a difficult feedback conversation where emotions come up

Consulting: Offering Expertise to Solve a Problem

Consulting is what most managers default to. It’s comfortable. It feels productive.

But it's not always what people need.

Still, there’s a time for it. When you do have the expertise, or the issue is urgent, it’s okay to take the driver’s seat.

When to Consult

The team lacks knowledge or context
The problem is technical or specialized
They want you to make the call or bring in someone who can

How to Be a Great Consultant (When Needed)

Be clear and direct
Focus on solutions, not symptoms
Back up your advice with examples or data
Be available for follow-up questions

When Leaders Should Use Consulting

Launching a new product/platform
Building a strategy and needing direction
Helping your team choose tools or vendors

Real-Life Scenarios

Now, let’s test our understanding of when and how to use Coaching, Mentoring, Consulting, and Counseling as leaders by looking at some real-life leadership scenarios.

1. New Grad Engineer Not Meeting Expectations → Coaching

Ravi was a bright new grad, fresh out of college and full of energy. He had done well in interviews and was assigned to a relatively straightforward module. But within a month, it was clear things weren’t going well. He missed deadlines, asked too few questions, and his code had to be rewritten often.

My first instinct was to step in and tell him exactly what to do—rewrite the specs, set daily check-ins, maybe even escalate. But I paused and asked myself: Does Ravi have the ability, but just not the structure or confidence yet? The answer was yes. So instead of managing him harder, I switched to coaching. I used the GROW model to walk him through what success looked like, where he was stuck, and what small actions he could take next. Within weeks, Ravi was doing better—not because I gave him all the answers, but because I helped him find his footing.

2. Senior IC Feeling Stuck in Career → Mentoring

Asha was a rockstar IC—someone every manager wanted on their team. But during a skip-level conversation, she admitted something unexpected: “I feel like I’ve plateaued. I’m not sure where I go from here.”

She didn’t need coaching. She wasn’t looking for me to ask probing questions about her blockers. What she wanted was to hear what others had done at similar crossroads. So I took off my coaching hat and put on my mentor hat. I shared my own journey: what happened when I first considered people leadership, the doubts I had, and what I learned along the way. I pointed her to some roles she hadn’t considered and connected her with others in the company who had made similar moves. A few months later, Asha chose a path that was right for her, not because I told her what to do, but because she had someone to talk to who had walked that road before.

3. Star Performer Seems Withdrawn and Quiet → Counseling

Meera was one of our top performers. Dependable, driven, creative. But something shifted. She stopped speaking up in meetings. Her work slowed down. She seemed disconnected.

I initially assumed it was burnout or frustration with a project. I almost defaulted to a consulting approach—reviewing workloads, reassigning tasks, and checking her project backlog. But I paused. I simply asked her how she was doing. She hesitated, then said, “Honestly… my mom’s been in and out of the hospital for weeks. I’ve been trying to manage everything, but I’m struggling.”

What Meera needed wasn’t a new assignment or project fix. She needed space. She needed empathy. And she needed someone to acknowledge her situation without judgment. I offered her time off and let her know we were here when she was ready. A few months later, she came back with a quiet message: “Thank you for not making me explain everything.” Sometimes, the leadership move isn’t fixing. It’s listening.

4. Team Can’t Decide Between Two Vendor Platforms → Consulting

We were in the middle of evaluating two vendor platforms for our deployment pipeline—one open-source with flexibility, the other a commercial SaaS tool with better integrations. The team was stuck. Endless pros and cons. Meetings without decisions.

They didn’t need coaching. They weren’t looking to grow through the ambiguity. They wanted expertise. Fast. This was a classic consulting moment. I called a meeting, shared my experience from a similar migration we did two years ago, and walked them through the tradeoffs in terms of cost, time to deploy, and maintainability. I recommended the commercial SaaS tool—less flexible, but faster time-to-value for our specific need.

The team was relieved. They didn’t feel bulldozed—they felt guided. It was a decision they could align around. As a leader, knowing when to step in with authority (and credibility) can save weeks of spinning in circles.

5. Peer Leader Asks How to Grow Cross-Functionally → Mentoring

During a coffee chat, a peer from marketing casually said, “I’ve been thinking about switching into a product role someday—but I have no idea where to start.” This wasn’t a performance issue. This wasn’t a crisis. This was curiosity meeting ambition.

Rather than push them to make a plan, I shared my own pivots, including what I wish I’d done differently. We discussed which product roles valued storytelling and data—areas where marketers often shine. I suggested one cross-functional project where they could try their hand at it without fully switching roles.

Months later, they thanked me—not because I changed their career, but because I gave them a glimpse of what could be. That’s the beauty of mentoring—it unlocks possibilities someone might not have seen on their own.

Common Mistakes to Avoid

As a leader, given the variety of hats you could be wearing, you need to be mindful of some common traps:

Jumping into advice mode too soon: It can be tempting to rush to offer solutions, especially when time is short. But sometimes, the person in front of you doesn’t need a solution. They might need space to think, reflect, or even vent. Coaching and counseling require questions first, not answers. Slow down. Listen. Then decide what role to play.
Confusing mentoring with coaching: These two are easily mixed up. In mentoring, you share your experience. In coaching, you draw out theirs. Telling someone what worked for you isn’t coaching—it’s mentoring. And if they’re not ready for advice, it can backfire. Be clear which hat you’re wearing.
Playing therapist without training: When someone opens up emotionally, it’s natural to want to help. But unless you’re trained in counseling, your job isn’t to diagnose or fix deep emotional issues. Your job is to listen with empathy, validate their feelings, and—if needed—point them to professional support.
Using the same approach for everyone: Some people need structured guidance. Others just need a sounding board. What worked with one person might completely miss the mark with another. Leadership is not copy-paste. It’s about reading the room and choosing the right role for the moment.

The Four Roles of a Leader Worksheet

It’s now time to put your learning into practice! Download The Four Roles of a Leader Worksheet and use it to:

Make better leadership decisions, faster – Quickly assess what your team member really needs and respond with the right kind of support.
Build stronger, more intentional relationships – Show up with clarity, empathy, and purpose in every conversation.
Avoid common traps – Prevent confusion, mixed signals, or unhelpful advice by staying in the right role throughout the interaction.

The worksheet includes step-by-step prompts to guide you through the entire application process.

⬇️ Download Your Worksheet Here!
🎁 Paid Subscribers: Claim your FREE copy of this worksheet by using the exclusive coupon code mentioned on this page. Not a paid member? You can upgrade here.

Complementary Frameworks to Explore

These models can help you go deeper, depending on which type of role you’re playing:

GROW / CLEAR / FUEL – for coaching conversations. GROW helps structure coaching around goals and actions. CLEAR and FUEL bring a step-by-step approach for building trust, exploring challenges, and creating forward movement without telling people what to do.
SBI / Radical Candor – for emotional / tough conversations. SBI helps you deliver feedback by focusing on facts, not judgments. Radical Candor reminds you to care personally while challenging directly—so you stay honest without being harsh.
The Four Temperaments – for understanding different personalities. This framework helps you recognize the core drivers behind how people think, respond, and behave. It’s a quick way to tailor your leadership to different styles without overcomplicating things. We discussed this in detail here: The Four Temperaments: Understanding Yourself, Your Team, and Your Boss.

Recommended Resources

The Coaching Habit by Michael Bungay Stanier – Short, sharp, and full of powerful questions to help leaders coach more effectively in everyday conversations.
Dare to Lead by Brené Brown – Explores vulnerability and courage in leadership—especially useful for mentoring and emotional conversations.
Radical Candor by Kim Scott – A must-read for giving feedback that’s direct and kind at the same time.

Final Takeaway

Great leadership is usually about doing the right thing in the moment.

Sometimes that means asking the right question (coaching).
Sometimes it means sharing your story (mentoring).
Other times, it’s just listening—without fixing (counseling).
And yes, sometimes it means stepping in with clear answers (consulting).

The key isn’t to master all four roles. It’s to know which hat to wear—and when to take it off.

So the next time someone comes to you for help, don’t just react. Pause and ask yourself: What do they really need from me right now?

Which hat do you wear most often? Share your experiences in the comments! 👇

The Good Boss